the past

wherever I go past is calling me back. whomever i meet, new friends, new compadres, was only my way of forcing to turn the page of my life. I want to turn faster and faster from the beginning, so impatient. Always trying to find a new beginning a new chapter everytime the latter gets fucked up.

running away has always been my ultimate solution.

seemed to work, so far.

a friend in sf, todd, reminded me to visit my Dad once again. he said that once i reach my 30's or even my 40's i will somehow try to dig up the past.

what if i say, i have no past? no emotional connection whatsoever on my past. is it my doing? am i constantly burying my past?
I like to move fast forward, i like to expand my horizon and having all that past and family mumbo jumbo adds weight to my shoulders.

what if one chooses to do so, to cut the weakened umbilical cord once and for all.
it's legal.
to be independent. not obligated to fulfill my family wishes, be the bastard child.
some might think that it's an arrogant thing to do to leave your family. but i think every single one of us owes our lives to ourselves.
I think we are free from the moment we draw our first breath, life was given to you freely and it s now dictated by our own decision making. not anybody else.

see I have a problem fitting in with the society, you may not see it but I'm in disgust almost 80% in every 24 hrs.

i like my friends, i love them, i care for them more than anything. they helped me get through life, made me feel sane, they give me hope.

so fuck the past, i never like wasting my time being in a melancholy state of mind.